


i love you (ain't that the worst thing you've never heard?)

by grey_king



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Hanahaki AU, I suck at tagging, how does this thing work, i hopemy cult members dont kill me for this, i wrote it on one whim it sucks tbh, im still not sorry for this, jihyo just wants sana to feel better, listen to taylor swift's cruel summer, nobody died yall can breathe, samo are still soulmates, sana is poetic when sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey_king/pseuds/grey_king
Summary: “even if i bleed, she'll be the last to know.”
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	i love you (ain't that the worst thing you've never heard?)

**Author's Note:**

> ayeee i'm back with samo this time because samo nation just became a submarine. also because i'm kinda sad. not beta read so,,, uh sorry for my mistakes. also didn't edit out anymore. uwu

  
  
  
  


_ one. _

_ two. _

_ sana breathes. _

  
  


sana finds herself in a funny predicament. here she is in the bathroom, coughing her lungs out. it isn't like she choked on something for that. nor did she catch a cold or a sore throat. she woke up with her throat itchy and so she bolted up. she thinks she's seen it coming though, no matter how hard she tries to convince herself that it will pass. it won't pass. and she'll live through enough pain to see it.

pink camellias. that's just fucking great. as if this isn't already bad as it was.

she thought she'll get over it after the breaking news came out. because that would be one sign that she needs to move on. oh how fucking wrong she was. she's trying, she's really trying to be the supportive best friend momo needs her to be. her heart doesn't seem to be listening though, and so does the rest of her body. it had never been sana's best forte, being well controlled of herself.

after all, hanahaki doesn't just happen with unrequited feelings. it happens when the person you will love for the rest of your life wouldn't know you love them or wouldn't love you back. it wasn't a bad thing that momo was that person for her. it was the best thing in her life, finding out that momo was the one for her. she guesses having it is great for some reasons.

but it just sucks that she wasn't the one for sana as well.

that doesn't stop her though, because as long as this shitty sickness doesn't kill her, it won't stop her from wanting momo more.

  
  
  
  


_ three. _

_ four. _

_ she keeps the bubbling cough down. _

sana learns a lot of things along the way. like how to control herself more when momo's there. she learns how to keep down the petals and how to speak despite them clogging down and making it hard for her to say something. she also learns that the best thing possible is to stay away from momo as much as she can. she crosses that out because she can't ever keep her distance from her.

but the problem is, it seems that her throat would itch whenever she sees momo anywhere near her. the great (horrible) thing is, momo's everywhere around her. and when she means everywhere, she's everywhere in bold emblazed. she's there when sana wakes up cause she's the one to drag her out of bed for breakfast. she's there sprawled out of sana's lap when she's bored, fiddling with her phone whether they have schedules or not.

she's there when sana cries on reasons she doesn't even know (she doesn't know that sana cries because of her), she's always there to give the warmth that sana craves but could never have for her own. she's there to tell sana good night with the brightest smile and a soft peck on her cheek. she's there on sana's best days and on her worst. but she's not there the way sana needs her to be.

so sana pushes, pushes it down. gulps down the painful flowers that gets caught up on her throat, the ones that contain her very own feelings. keeps it there no matter how uncomfortable it gets until momo wanders off somewhere to give the others affection while she runs to the bathroom sink and retches off the pink petals that never seem to stop blooming in her chest.

they're pretty. so fucking pretty that it makes her cry.

  
  
  
  


_ five. _

_ six. _

_ she fails yet again. _

  
  


jihyo finds out a few weeks later, when sana forgets to lock the door. she finds sana in sitting in the corner of the bathroom, eyes devoid of any kind of emotion, bloodshot and puffy from crying. the pink flowers lay beneath her feet, all bloodied and crushed. jihyo has never seen a person in this kind of despair before, so she couldn't help but tear up and wrap sana in the tightest hug she could give. she hopes it will somehow show sana she is loved.

(she also knows that it's not the love sana needs. not the kind of love sana wants. for the love she yearns is in the arms of someone else.)

once they both calmed down and cleaned up the mess inside, jihyo makes sure she locks the door before letting sana speak. she listens to the girl and tries to reassure her that she's being heard, tries not to break down because that's not what sana needs right now. she sighs in relief, when the older girl gives her a tiny smile after, despite the sadness being blaringly evident in her eyes.

it's a new thing for jihyo to learn about her. the most positive, brightest person she knows, also casts the darkest shadow. not in an evil way per say; but in a deep, deep kind of melancholy that if she tried to swim into it, she knows she would certainly drown. and sana has been drowning in this kind of sorrow for years. she doesn't even know how she stays sane.

(falling in love with the person you've been with for the longest time does that to people she guesses. sana just tells her she's a fool for the person she loves.)

“why don't you try telling her?” jihyo asks as they sit in comfortable silence.

sana looks up at the yellow light in the ceiling and jihyo feels the unending amount of grief and pain in latter's eyes.

“do you know what kind of flowers these are jihyo?” she gives the smaller girl one of the petals left on the floor, gently placing it on her palm.

“those are pink camellias right?” sana nods and smiles sadly.

“and do you also know what they mean?”

“sana...”

“pink camellias mean ‘i’ll never tell’. so even if i bleed, she'll be the last to know.”

  
  
  
  


_ seven. _

_ eight. _

_ she thinks of a bright smile burning in the back of her mind. _

  
  


days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. the petals turn into flowers and the flowers are having stems. all the other members know already. she thinks momo knows too but doesn't say anything. everyone knows how smart momo is, despite her image that she's the dumbest one in the team. she's really not. she's just a very simple-minded human being that doesn't like over complicating things.

sana still couldn't bear being away from momo, so none of those distancing yourself away even though it's so fucking hard to not let out a single petal from her mouth. so she keeps up the facade for a while (even though she knows that momo knows.) until she excuses herself to do other things, when she really just has to vomit out all those bloody flowers from her chest.

‘you made flowers grow from my lungs doesn't really seem that poetic now.’ she laughs deprecatingly at herself. ‘you're an idiot, minatozaki sana. an idiot in love.’

she looks at herself in the mirror. what a fucking horrible joke the universe is playing with her right now. she still has blood on the side of her mouth and her chin, eyes red and wet from the tears that fall down because even when she closes them, she sees momo. momo who's always bright and beautiful. the smile that's burnt in the back of her mind is both the most wonderful and the worst memory she has right now.

it's the one thing that's keeping her alive yet killing her slowly at the same time.

(it's cruel.)

  
  
  
  


_ nine. _

_ ten. _

_ then the petals fall again. _

  
  


it's ironic, sana thinks. when she kneels down to pick one of the bloodied flowers up. the prettiest things are the ones that will hurt you the most.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> on the bright side, nobody died this time! yay! also please give momo lots of love y'all. i know not a lot of us really likes what's going on. but please keep on supporting her. she's a grown woman so let's trust her decisions :)
> 
> scream at me on twitter!  
> @sanana_all
> 
> leave questions on my dusty cc!  
> @chomp-tops


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